Inside the hollow, empty house, I woke up in my room to the sight of the usual ceiling. Looking out the window, the sun was already high in the sky, and I realized I had overslept even before checking the clock. I was busy streaming late last night, so perhaps this was a self-evident outcome. I groaned “Aah…” to no one in particular and got out of bed.
If I were a girl in a shoujo manga, I’d probably be rushing out the door in a panic with a piece of toast in my mouth. But since this happens often, I decided to calmly take a shower instead. The drowsiness was like a haze, rattling around inside my head, and I wanted to get rid of it quickly. The simple act of talking on the internet consumes a remarkable amount of energy when you consider that you’re being watched by thousands, tens of thousands of viewers.
Just as I finished my shower, the doorbell rang. Of course, it wasn’t my family coming home. It was probably the food delivery I had ordered earlier. Until about two years ago, I used to eat breakfast on the way to school, but now I’ve started eating at home, conscious of other people’s eyes. It wasn’t particularly painful. I’m used to being alone.
After finishing my meal, I returned to my room, packed a change of clothes in my bag, and headed for the entrance. As always, I said, “I’m leaving.” And as always, there was no voice in reply.
The commute to Yamako (short for Yamabuki University Affiliated High School) takes a little over an hour, transferring from the subway to a bus. But before noon, the bus gets filled with tourists, so I decided to take a leisurely walk after getting off the subway. I’m late anyway. An hour or two doesn’t make a difference.
I think I should go to school. Not for my future, or for higher education. It’s just a sense of duty. My mother was the one who let me go to a private school since middle school, and who paid my tuition until last year, and I don’t want to waste that investment.
Even now, I meet my mother once every six months to talk about taxes. Because I’m a minor but earn too much on my own, her tax burden is heavier since she has parental authority. That said, my mother is a businesswoman who serves as a director at a certain company, so it seems I’m not putting any strain on the household finances. I sometimes find that a little lonely.
What felt like an infinite amount of time passed, and by the time I entered the Yamabuki University campus, it was past noon. In less than 20 minutes, the 4th period would end, and the lunch break would begin.
I headed towards the high school building—and then suddenly stopped in my tracks.
It’s the middle of class, but this is fine, right?
As long as I properly attend my afternoon classes.
There are many people in the world who can’t go to school. I think there are even more who don’t want to go. To people like them, the reason that popped into my head must seem like nothing but a selfish excuse. I’m sure there are countless people with reasons more complex and circumstances more serious than mine.
But, the fact was that my feet were headed towards the university building—.
Towards Professor Shirasagi Reika’s lab.
The sky was clear with nothing to obstruct the view. The campus was overflowing with the voices of students coming and going. Blending into the scenery I always see from outside my window, I walked along the paved path. I was glad my school didn’t have a uniform. I would have definitely stood out wearing a blazer or a gakuran. I entered the school building through the propped-open doors. A few female college students who were chatting in front of a board covered in papers looked my way and started talking about something. But I didn’t mind. I continued clacking up the stairs until I arrived in front of my destination.
I glanced down at the bag I was holding. Inside were the tools to transform into “Kamimura Mayu.” Makeup and a one-piece dress. I brought them to come here. Should I change? But, if I communicate with Himari-san while wearing this guise, I’ll surely end up relying on my invincible armor again. Interacting with “Kamimura Mayu” would probably make Himari-san happy. She’s an avid listener of mine, after all. But as Nakamura Mayuki, is that really okay?
After much agonizing, I mustered my courage and approached the lab just as I was.
First of all, I wonder if Himari-san is here. From what I’ve heard, university lectures are held in 90-minute blocks, so the timing of the lunch break is the same as in high school. In that case, if Himari-san wasn’t taking a 2nd-period lecture, I should be able to see her if I open this door. She did say she’s always in the lab.
As I hesitated, mulling over various things—the sliding door rattled.
”…!”
There was nowhere to hide in an instant. I came face to face with the person who opened the door.
It was Reika-san.
She was a head taller than me, so I naturally had to look up at her. A cool-looking off-the-shoulder blouse, and skinny jeans that clung perfectly to her long legs. A figure and a small face that would seem completely natural if she claimed to be a fashion model.
However, the expression she had as she looked down at me seemed somewhat angry.
“This isn’t where you’re supposed to be.”
Not “Hey” or “Hello,” and certainly not “Welcome,” those were her first words.
Under that pressure, I spoke, my throat trembling.
“Ah… uhm… I overslept, so I came to visit.”
“That’s not a reason.”
“Aha… you’re right…”
Even I had to admit it was a poor excuse. I don’t think it even qualified as one.
“Um, is Himari-san…?”
“She should be in her cultural anthropology lecture right now. She’ll be here as soon as it’s over.”
It seems my hopes were dashed. But, I should be able to see her in about 20 minutes…
“Then, um… I’ll just say a quick hello to Himari-san and then—”
“I’ll say it again. Go back to the high school building immediately.”
“Just for a little while… please.”
As I squeezed those words out, Reika-san sighed. It felt less like she was exasperated and more like she was creating a pause in the conversation.
“Himari is kind. It’s because she herself is strong that she knows the importance of respecting others. So, if you show any sign of wanting to stay in the lab, she will stop you from leaving. And, in the end, that will be a huge minus for you. Do you know what it’s called when you take advantage of someone’s kindness to justify your own actions?”
I faltered. Towards my silent self, Reika-san continued.
“It’s called dependency.”
Stated so bluntly, this time I was truly unable to retort.
“…I’m sorry, I’ll go back.”
Feeling unable to stay, I turned my back to the lab.
Because even if I was a child, I could understand that she was right.
When I took a step, for some reason Reika-san also started walking beside me. I wondered what was going on, and then it occurred to me that she had just come out of the lab. She probably had an errand to run outside. It was a little awkward, but Reika-san didn’t seem to mind at all. In the end, we walked down the hallway and stairs at the same pace.
Then, I suddenly asked.
“…You’re not going to ask, are you? Something like, ‘What do your parents think about this?’…”
I had already told them during the stalker incident that I was living alone—or more accurately, that I was in a state of living alone. I was prepared to honestly explain my circumstances if asked, and I had the shallow calculation that I might get some sympathy for it.
However, Reika-san’s answer was far from what I had imagined.
“What’s the point in asking? What’s important is the person’s own will. I’m only pointing it out because that will is diverging from the role you should be fulfilling. Besides, there’s no other reason to proactively skip school other than ‘because there’s a reason you don’t want to go to school.’ However, you are a high school student, and your role should be to attend classes, earn credits, and graduate. Fulfill that role.”
Reika-san’s words and actions were mysterious and not something I could immediately agree with. That made me happy. Because it felt like she was treating me as an equal, without forcibly lowering the quality of our communication. However, I was a little taken aback because I hadn’t imagined she would say ‘the purpose is to earn credits’ rather than the stereotypical ‘a student’s main duty is to study’.
“Besides, I am a professor, not a teacher. As a matter of personal pride, I strive to meet my students’ expectations, but my professional purpose is ultimately research, not education. Therefore, I do not pry into personal private matters more than necessary. Although, there are exceptions.”
“Exceptions… like what?”
“Cases where a student is involved in some kind of incident, for instance.”
Hearing that response, I recalled the time I came to this place the other day. The threatening letter dropped in my mailbox. The secretly taken photos that were sent to me. My fear was only growing, yet I had no one around me to rely on, and I knocked on the lab’s door with only the faint hope of finding some clue to a solution. Well, I didn’t actually knock, I ran into Himari-san.
A moment ago Reika-san said, “Himari is kind,” but I thought Reika-san was a kind person too. After all, she offered a solution to me, a complete stranger.
Recalling my feelings from back then, I asked.
“Is it okay if I come visit again after school?”
Then Reika-san replied in her usual tone.
“Of course. You are my precious student, and also a valuable research subject.”
With those words, she walked off in a different direction from me. Even the way she walked was stylish, and I had the out-of-place thought that “Kamimura Mayu” could never exude that kind of an aura. It was probably because I felt relieved.
This time, I truly headed for my classroom, my expectations swelling for the scene a few hours later.