“Next up on the news. A part-time worker in his 20s residing in Kanagawa Prefecture has been arrested for making a malicious post on the web service ‘RootSpeak’ threatening a crime.”
“—According to the Tokyo Metropolitan Police Department, on the 20th of last month, this man posted on ‘RootSpeak’ that he would blow up a metro car. In response, the operating company suspended services, affecting the travel of approximately 800,000 people. The man has admitted to the charges, stating, ‘I wanted my account to go viral’ and ‘I wanted to increase my followers.’—”
“The case of a man residing in Tokyo being arrested for making a death threat towards popular celebrity Mr. H on SNS, and the case of a bomb threat being made against a theme park are also still fresh in our memories.”
“We must once again recognize that posts on social networks are open information accessible not just between individuals, but by the entire world. In past legal precedents—”
“Just the other day, there was news of a high school teacher who was arrested for identifying a student’s SNS account and stalking them.”
“In recent years, with the increased prevalence of smartphones, cases of stalking via the internet and crime threats have been on the rise. This particular case is considered to be equivalent to fraudulent obstruction of business, or forcible obstruction of business—”
I shut out the impersonal news audio flowing from the TV.
I tossed the remote onto the sofa, which was piled with plastic bags. There was no one to reprimand me.
I went straight up the stairs and headed to my room. “O-Oww…” I tripped on the robot vacuum cleaner on the way. I need to empty its contents soon. Just by being left alone, the house decays, and dust accumulates. I’m aware of it, but I can’t find the impetus to start.
I’m stagnating.
What remains in this house is nothing but an illusion.
I’m just trying to protect a phantom.
Taking a deep breath, suu, I switched gears.
I put a lid on the real world and turned on my PC.
Next, I plugged the ring light into the outlet. Basking in the brilliant white light, I straightened my posture in front of the webcam I had set up beforehand.
After a moment, I activated the switcher—a device for changing the video displayed on the stream—and my face appeared on the screen. It was the smile I was about to broadcast to countless people.
Then, I checked the microphone volume and opened my mouth as I always do.
“Hallo hallo~! It’s everyone’s Mayumayu, Kamimura Mayu! Today—”
And just like that, my daily life begins to turn.
The long holidays were over, but there were still no signs of the rainy season. They say, “In spring, one sleeps a sleep that knows no dawn,” but the air at this time of year, constantly inviting slumber, is a real nuisance. For my body, still sluggish from the break, classes like classics and history were tedious, and I had to repeatedly send stop signals to my instinctively drooping eyelids.
Out of inertia, I turned my gaze out the window and saw students going in and out of the adjacent university’s buildings. If things go as planned, in a year, they will be my “senpai”. But it doesn’t feel real yet.
I hear that university students choose the classes—no, lectures—they want to take themselves. It seemed to be in stark contrast to this space, where we’re cooped up in a small classroom, deciphering what feels like coded classical Chinese texts.
Still.
What am I saying, when I’m the one who usually shuts myself in a box?
As I was mocking myself like that in my head, the final bell rang. The classroom atmosphere instantly became noisy. Athletes preparing to go recruit new members. Groups of girls arranging to head out to the downtown area. Cheerful boys calling out to them, inviting them to karaoke. It seemed like everyone was buoyed by the spring cheerfulness. Once the assistant homeroom teacher finished the perfunctory homeroom, the wave of people headed outside, scattering like baby spiders.
Amidst all that, I stood up straight from my seat. The gazes of the entire class gathered on me. The reason the assistant teacher was conducting this class’s homeroom was due to me, so it wasn’t particularly strange. Besides, I always end up drawing attention, no matter what.
In the end, I went out into the hallway without anyone talking to me.
“It’s just that you’re hard to approach. Everyone really wants to be friends with you,” someone once told me.
When I replied, “I’m not aware of putting up a wall, though,” I was chided with, “That’s the part I’m talking about.”
The one who pointed that out to me wasn’t a particularly close friend… but a former classmate I was on normal speaking terms with.
If it were the me of the past, I would have gone straight to the shoe lockers and headed home. Then, I would have put on my persona and immersed myself in the world of the internet. It was always the same cycle.
But today is different. I walk down the hallway via a route I don’t usually take, and go down stairs I don’t usually use. Ahead lay a special place, used only for elective P.E. classes and some club activities.
I vigorously wiped my smartphone screen with the sleeve of my cardigan.
Then I activated the front-facing camera.
My bangs aren’t messy.
My skin is fine too.
No stray hairs, and my lips aren’t chapped. No sleep in my eyes either.
Having finished checking my own face, I gently placed my hand on the sliding door.
Carefully, so as not to make a sound.
The person I was looking for was already there. She was warming up with her back to the entrance. Sitting on the floor, she was doing hip flexibility exercises with her legs spread wide. Her workout clothes clung tightly to her upper body, drawing a captivating curve from the nape of her neck to her waist.
The blood vessels around my chest began to pulse rapidly, and I couldn’t help but pull back.
“Hello, Himari-san… Hello, Himari-san… Yeah, yeah… It’s okay, I can do it… I should be able to…”
I even started muttering to myself like that.
How much time had passed?
Probably not even 60 seconds.
As my thoughts hesitated, the door to the changing room right next to the dojo clanked open. I reflexively jumped back and hid. Kendo and karate club members in their uniforms came out one after another and slid open the door I had gently opened with a loud rattle, entering the room. I peeked in quietly, like a housekeeper in a suspense drama.
Himari-san—Anesaki Himari-san.
Strong, beautiful, my savior.
Seeing her, I’m reminded of the softness of her body when we were close, and the nice scent from her gently waving hair.
Just like the people I saw through the window earlier, a university student.
In a year, she’ll surely be my “senpai”.
When I first met her, I thought she was a kind older sister, sort of motherly, who would coolly approach you and sometimes joke around to ease the atmosphere.
The feeling of being held tight flashes in my mind, and my face grows hot. It was the first time I’d ever experienced something like that. At that time, I was about to be crushed by anxiety and fear, and the moment I put it into words, I was seized by the illusion that despair was taking form and attacking me, and before I knew it, I was crying. But Himari-san stayed by my side as if to banish that darkness, and a warmth I had never known before was born inside my chest.
…Though being made to sit on her lap was treating me a bit too much like a child.
That’s why I never thought such an older sister figure could possess such an intense aura.
I picture that gallant figure, knocking out a grown man with a single palm strike.
And then, I recalled Himari-san’s reaction when I showed up in my other form.
“Ah, um, um… I always… watch you…”
—Is something wrong, Himari-san? Why the formal language?
“Sorry, my brain just isn’t catching up to reality. Please give me a moment to tune in…”
—So you’ve been watching my streams. Thank you very much.
“On the contrary, thank you. I’m always replenishing my negative ions through the screen…”
“Himari, negative ions are not generated from a smartphone screen.”
“Sorry, it’s a metaphor! I apologize for using knowledge outside my field of expertise as a metaphor, Professor!”
…and so, it was a lively moment.
That atmosphere felt so precious.
At least, to me. Because it was something I didn’t have, and something I wanted.
I was told that Himari-san, while working part-time in Professor Shirasagi Reika’s lab (apparently as a “University Professor’s Secretary”), also serves as the coach for the kickboxing club at my school.
It was a shocking fact that we had been having near misses on a daily basis. I always rushed out of school right after classes, so I had no way of knowing.
I cut off my escapism and returned my focus to the scene before me. The flow of club members into the dojo was endless. It’s only natural, though. I really wanted to talk to her when no one else was around, as my true self. I also want to properly thank her for the other day. I didn’t have the courage back then, so I visited the lab in my other form. That’s precisely why I made a beeline here.
“Ugh…”
My stomach feels heavy. My face feels hot. It’s strange, I never get this nervous, even when hundreds of thousands of people are watching me. It was a new sensation. And that’s why I can’t find a way to deal with it.
Would I be a bother? What if she starts to hate me? She probably thinks I’m actually a gloomy person. I wonder if she thinks I’m forcing myself on the internet.
Thinking that far, I thrust my hand into my bag. What I took out was a powder foundation I bought recently. I ducked into a multipurpose restroom and prepared my mask, just like I always do at home. I wonder if my flushed cheeks are noticeable. I wonder if I’ve managed to cover up my dry lips.
After taking plenty of time, I nodded in front of the mirror with a “Okay.”
When I put on a bright smile, “Kamimura Mayu” is there.
I’m a coward.
I can’t even have a proper conversation with the person I admire without putting on my “Kamimura Mayu” persona.
I approached the dojo door once more and peeked inside.
The Yamabuki University Affiliated High School I attend is an integrated school starting from middle school, and it also accepts transfer students into the high school, so it has a very large student body. Just as it advocates for “diverse education,” it has a wide variety of club activities.
Naturally, the grounds, tennis courts, and arena are more than spacious enough. This dojo, where clubs like the karate, judo, fencing, and kendo clubs are active, is no exception. In a corner of it, Himari-san spoke to a student facing a punching bag.
“Your center of gravity is wavering on the initial jab. It’s true that jabs are mainly used for feints, but it’s a crucial attack for breaking down your opponent with a combination. If you don’t put your weight into it, you can’t damage your opponent, and if you lose your balance, you’ll be taken down by a counter. It’s not that it has to be the perfect form, but you’ll improve faster this way.”
The first-year students who came to observe are watching her instructions with sparkling eyes. Perhaps because martial arts have recently become popular among the general public as a form of exercise, there were a few girls here and there.
Himari-san continued to stand by the club member who was diligently hitting the bag, giving detailed pointers.
“I’ll show you an example, so watch the movement of my legs and hips carefully.”
Saying that, she took her position in front of the punching bag. A circle immediately formed around it.
“Hmph!”
A sharp punch.
I could hear the sound of it cutting through the air all the way from where I was.
Immediately after, there were two crisp, explosive sounds.
As the punching bag swung wildly, innocent voices of “Ooh,” and “Awesome,” rose from the crowd. While receiving the praise, Himari-san instructed the club member again, “Alright, you try it.”
“One more time, please!”
“I want to see it again too!”
Begged like that, Himari-san said, “Can’t be helped,” looking not at all displeased as she regulated her breathing, reset her stance, and then unleashed an even sharper series of attacks. This time, she mixed in kicks as well. Cheers rose again for the sharp performance delivered with fluid movements.
Himari-san responded to the voices around her with the same gentle smile she had shown me in the lab the other day.
Suddenly, I noticed that the workout clothes she was wearing were clinging tightly to her, revealing the lines of her body even more clearly. No wonder the girls’ voices were so prominent. The male club members were either averting their eyes, looking somewhat awkward, or stealing glances at her.
No, no.
That’s not okay?
That’s not okay!
That kind of thing is not good!
At that moment, my resolve hardened.
“Alright, let’s take a 10-minute break. It’s been getting hot lately, so make sure you stay hydrated~”
Himari-san called out as she took off her gloves and glanced at the clock. Wiping her slightly sweaty forehead with a towel, she sat down on a bench set up along the wall and reached for her smartphone with a natural movement. She didn’t seem to have noticed me.
I approached, trying not to make a sound with my footsteps, and smoothly held out my hand in front of her.
Himari-san’s face, looking up with a puzzled expression, met my gaze.
“Hello, Himari-san.”
”…”
Himari-san’s mouth hung open. Seeing her dumbfounded face, I could feel the blood rush to my own facial muscles. Is my makeup okay? It hasn’t smudged, right? I checked it just now, so it should be fine. When I smiled, the muscles in my cheeks felt a little stiff.
Himari-san looked like she couldn’t understand the situation.
“…Why are you here?”
“I stopped by on my way home. I heard you’d be here today. It’s just a coincidence.”
That’s a lie; I was itching to talk to you. I can’t say that.
But from there, the words came out smoothly.
“…Why did you stop by?”
“Because I wanted to see you, Himari-san. Am I not allowed to come without a reason?”
“…How long have you been watching?”
“Just a few minutes.”
That’s a lie. But I hesitate to say what I was actually doing. The fact that I, a stalking victim, was acting like a potential stalker myself is a real joke. It makes me want to die.
“…Why now?”
“I wanted to see a different side of you, Himari-san. Your workout clothes really suit you. They’re lovely.”
This was my true feeling.
”…”
“Are you done with your questions?”
Right after Himari-san stopped talking, I heard a voice from behind me say, “Whoa, it’s the real one…” It was probably a first-year student. That’s right, I’m the real Kamimura Mayu. Hello. For Nakamura Mayuki, this is a fake form, but for everyone else, I’m the real Kamimura Mayu. That’s me.
Wearing my “Kamimura Mayu” persona, I even feel like I can become invincible. After all, I’m known throughout the country as a cheerful streamer who never stops smiling.
I’m wearing sturdy armor, so there’s nothing to be afraid of.
So, without hesitation, I pushed one step further. I brought my face in close.
“By the way, Himari-san, there’s something I’d like to ask you.”
“…W-What… is it…?”
I lowered my stance, ducking into a position lower than Himari-san’s, and asked while looking up at her.
“A little while ago, you were touching that boy’s body, weren’t you?”
“Body? Beginners have to start by learning the basic stance, or their training efficiency will drop, so correcting that is very important and—”
“Is it necessary to touch him all over like that?”
“I don’t think I was touching him unnecessarily, but…”
“And I feel like you get too close when you’re coaching.”
“It’s unavoidable…”
There were a mountain of other things I wanted to say (like about her workout clothes), but I didn’t want her to think I was a troublesome guy, so I swallowed them all for the time being. Then, I entrusted the next move to “Kamimura Mayu”.
“May I watch the practice for a while?”
“Ehh…?”
“I’ll try my best not to be a bother.”
“Okay…”
Having forcefully persuaded her, I killed time for a while by sitting in the corner of the dojo, hugging my knees.
I could tell that Himari-san was frequently glancing my way, looking like she was having a hard time—and that made me very happy. I think it’s warped and shows bad character to gain satisfaction from something like this. Even though I said what I did, I understand that my mere presence here is a hindrance to the practice.
But, I wanted to keep watching her, to be by her side, without caring about appearances.
And tomorrow, if I go to Reika-san’s lab, I can see Himari-san again.
Thank you, Kamimura Mayu. I’m grateful to myself.