I think my father was, objectively speaking, a terrible man.
However, there are only two things that such a father said that I remember.
The reason I don’t remember any other words is mainly because I couldn’t understand them. My father was a former boxer, and because of that, he had become punch-drunk. His brain had swollen from receiving many impacts to the head, and he was in a state similar to dementia.
“‘Himari. If you want a body that can handle a real fight, you’d better switch to kickboxing. When you wanna protect something, the only thing you can rely on in the end is your own fists, y’know?‘”
One was the words that sparked my interest in kickboxing and became the reason I switched to it.
He would sometimes throw tantrums like a toddler, his speech was often faltering, and it’s still questionable whether he was able to lead a normal daily life. Then, around the time I was in the third year of middle school, my parents divorced, as if waiting for me to enter high school. They were a couple with little conversation to begin with, but my mother finally lost her patience with my father, who couldn’t speak properly, and kicked him out of the house. Our home environment was in complete ruins, and I felt as if I had been used as a means to dissolve their marriage, which left me feeling unsettled.
After my parents’ divorce, a decisive incident occurred. While I was meeting my father in town, we were surrounded by suspicious men. It seems my father had been using his connections from his boxing days to work as something of an informant. Based on a tip from my father, the paparazzi had apparently exposed an actress’s secret meeting. Her agency had connections to the yakuza, and they had shown up under the pretext of making my father take responsibility. Right in front of me, my father tried to resist, but his body was worn out from drinking, smoking, and probably drugs, and he was about to be abducted without being able to do a thing.
The three men worked together to restrain my father and tried to shove him into a car.
At that moment, I delivered a palm strike to the side of the first man’s face, and with a return stroke, I swept the leg of another, and to the last one, I landed a sharp toe kick to his side, then took my father and fled the scene.
Shortly after, my father was hospitalized in a psychiatric ward.
This was an event that happened about two years before Sawarabi Fuyumi jumped.
“‘Don’tcha think the most charmin’ person is someone who can protect the things they hold dear with their own strength? Doesn’t matter if they’re a man or a woman, right? Listen up, Himari, you become a charmin’ woman, ya hear?‘”
The other words I remember are what became my creed.
But, despite having fists to wield, I was unable to extend them to Fuyumi.
This time, I will protect them.
A me who cannot protect surely holds no charm.
But—what is it that I can possibly do?
“Professor, I have a favor to ask. Please lend me your car.”
“No. I understand your impatience, but I cannot do that.”
“Please. I’m asking this knowing full well how much you cherish your car. But right now, that’s all I have. If I break it, I’ll spend my entire life paying you back. Please!”
“I don’t care about the car. First, calm down.”
“But…!”
The Professor gently pulled up my body as I bowed my head deeply, pleading.
And then, she hugged me tightly.
“Eh…?”
“Focus on my heartbeat. Slowly close your eyelids, and breathe slowly.”
I could feel my own ceaselessly racing heartbeat—dokudokudokudoku—calm down as if drawn to the Professor’s dokun, dokun heartbeat. I closed my eyes as I was.
“I too can understand that you have this obsessive thought that you have to do something in this situation where Mayuki-kun has been abducted and is in danger. However, moving recklessly will not yield any results. Let us begin by grasping the current situation.”
Though her tone was the same as usual, through our close bodies, I could feel the Professor’s sentiment, showing the utmost consideration for my own feelings. Naturally, a hot drop trickled down my cheek.
“Just what do you take me for, anyway? If the car breaks, I can just buy another one. It’s far more dangerous to let you, who are panicking and have lost your composure, drive an unfamiliar left-hand drive car. What if you get into an accident? If my precious student were to lose her life because of my misjudgment, what kind of face would I be able to make then?”
As I stood there, lost for words, the professor spoke to me gently.
“Bring an extra chair and come sit next to me.”
With those words, she stood up and returned to her desk. I did as she said, brought out a spare folding chair, and sat down next to her. On the enormous display that seemed to cover the entire desk, an image of a restrained Mayuki-kun was shown, along with the timeline of the account that posted the photo, ‘Shinda’.
The influencer ‘Kamimura Mayu’ had been restrained. That post was already dominating the trending topics not just on RootSpeak, but on various other social media, and had been featured on internet forums and news sites.
The majority of the comments were concerned for the popular streamer’s safety. However, there were also a few accounts making questionable mentions like, ‘Is this for a lewd photoshoot now?’, ‘It’s probably just a malicious prank,’ or ‘Nice work farming followers,’ and my heart began to pound again.
Despite the post being only about an hour old, it was already on the online news. According to the articles, the police were apparently already on the move, but with very few leads, the investigation was expected to be difficult. The reason for this was a system flaw in RootSpeak. It was a site vulnerability the professor had been concerned about for some time, one that made it impossible to identify the poster.
What could I do for Mayuki-kun? I couldn’t see a thing. It was as if I was enveloped in a deep darkness. Contrary to my panicked feelings, my vision was steadily narrowing.
“We need to organize the information.”
But in this situation, the professor, operating the PC beside me, was calmly trying to assess the circumstances.
“I want you to list anything you notice from the photo. Let’s align our preconditions first.”
Prompted, I began to examine it carefully.
I took a close look at the posted photo. Mayuki-kun was seated in a chair, with handcuff-like restraints on both his arms and legs. He looked limp, and it wasn’t clear whether he was conscious or not.
Next, the background. It looked like some kind of room. It was dark, with a dim light on. There was nothing that looked like a window, giving it a bleak impression. The photo was taken from a slight distance, and it seemed to have a minimal amount of space.
As I hesitated, the professor put on the glasses at her side and entered ‘lecture mode’.
“All you need to do is simplify the information. Do you have something to write on?”
When I offered her the notebook I usually use for lectures, the professor started writing in bullet points with a ballpoint pen.
“They restrain an influencer who has an impact on many different people. And then, they reveal that image to the entire world. In other words, I predict this is a kind of ‘bargaining chip’. A hostage, so to speak.”
The professor continued.
“Next, I want you to look at Mayuki-kun’s appearance.”
“Appearance…?”
All you need to do is simplify the information.
Recalling the professor’s words, I focused on my smartphone and tried to grasp the elements.
Mayuki-kun is not cross-dressing.
“…Today is Saturday, so… was Mayuki-kun abducted on his way to or from school yesterday?”
“My view is the same. Either the perpetrator already knew the area where Mayuki-kun lives—or they received information from someone who knows Mayuki-kun’s home address… For now, let’s wait for new material.”
A short while later.
One new post appeared.
“Is this—a statement?”
I looked at the latest post from ‘Shinda’.
──A single mistake ends your one and only life.
──The words ‘you can start over as many times as you want’ are nothing but a deception.
──We propose to the state the establishment of new legal norms.
──We demand the right to be forgotten and the mandatory erasure of digital tattoos.
──We are also in possession of information on other influencers.
──If our demands are not accepted, we will proceed to secure further bargaining chips.
From the post of about 150 characters, I desperately worked my brain to extract information.
Digital tattoo.
A term originally proposed by a Mexican internet researcher. It compares personal information and photos that have circulated on the internet to tattoos, because they are extremely difficult to erase later on.
For example, photos or videos that once caused a huge online controversy will remain for all eternity, as even if the original poster deletes them, a third party will post them, then another third party will post them—repeating the cycle.
The photos from the ‘part-timer terrorism’ incidents that were a hot topic for a while, like people putting their faces in restaurant kitchen equipment or lying on discarded hamburgers, also fall into this category. Even if the individuals themselves delete the posts, they are newly scattered into the sea of the internet by third parties who have saved the logs.
The right to be forgotten.
It is the right to demand the deletion of personal information, privacy-infringing information, and slander on the internet. The tattoos left on the net remain in the digital space forever. This is a concept to counter that. However, it is not protected by legal norms, and there are few cases of its application in court. On top of that, the phrase ‘further bargaining chips’. In other words—is it possible the situation will escalate even further?
But why would ‘Shinda’ demand such a thing? Why would an account that is itself constantly scattering the seeds of controversy on the internet…?
Meanwhile, the professor was focusing on a different part than I was.
“Hmm… Shinda… shinda… Shinda…”
Muttering this, she scribbled a series of words in her university notebook.
“…Professor, have you figured something out?”
“Shinda… shinda… Cinder…?”
Placing a hand on her chin, the professor fell quietly into thought. My voice wasn’t reaching her. Drifting in a sea of thought, the professor muttered to herself as she connected her synapses.
“Cinder—or are ‘Shin’ and ‘Da’ separate words? Shin? Kami? The right to be forgotten, digital tattoo, a single mistake, life, absurdity—‘we’ means there are multiple culprits. What is the meaning behind an account that artificially starts controversies sending this out—Wait, there’s another update.”
Seeing the next post composed by ‘Shinda’, I held my breath, and the professor’s expression changed.
“It seems to be a video this time.”
At the end of the post, an icon indicating a movie attachment was displayed, and a thumbnail image was embedded, showing Mayuki-kun’s solitary figure against a plain background.
“Are you mentally prepared, Himari?”
“I don’t really want to see it. But I have to—”
“Let’s play it.”
Once I stated my resolve, the professor clicked on the video while looking at me.
A plain black background.
A room like a rectangular box.
In its center, a person I knew well was seated in a chair, restrained.
Unlike in the previous photo, he was dressed in a sailor uniform. It didn’t seem to be a uniform from any particular school. It looked like a cosplay item, the kind sold at mass retailers.
──Does that mean he was forced to change?
As I realized this, the blood rushed to my head.
‘Now, speak just like I taught you.’
‘Don’t you say anything that’s not in the script, ‘kay?’
The voices of several men echoed from off-screen.
Then, a large man who looked to be about two meters tall crept up behind Mayuki-kun. His face was covered by a mask and couldn’t be seen, but his body was muscular and destructive.
He’s definitely experienced in martial arts. My intuition was telling me.
‘If you say anything unnecessary… you’ll find your neck being strangled, you hear?’
At that, the person in the center of the screen who had been silent… ‘Kamimura Mayu’, squeezed out a trembling voice.
‘…To everyone watching this video. Their goal is to negotiate with the country, and with corporations.’
A weak voice. It reminded me of the atmosphere when I first met him in early spring, and my chest tightened.
Perhaps because everything around him was completely silent, I could hear him clearly.
‘There are many people who, just from being caught in one online controversy, have their real names, photos, and other personal information spread throughout society, making it difficult for them to reintegrate. Their demand is to end a world like that.’
‘…Oh, you said it properly. This guy’s used to the camera after all.’
‘Kinda like an interview in a porn video, ain’t it.’
‘Yeah, you’ve got a point. We could probably use that as material, huh? …Oi, continue.’
At the words and actions of the man who seemed to be the leader, Mayuki-kun showed defiant eyes.
‘…A method like this is meaningless. It will only create the next controversy.’
Then, a cold voice echoed from off-screen.
‘Do it.’
At that, the large man waiting behind the chair wrapped an arm like a log around Mayuki-kun’s neck…
‘Ugh…! I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I’ll say it!’
The arm’s advance stopped just in the nick of time. Panting heavily, Mayuki-kun’s desperate pleading looked incredibly painful to watch.
‘…To the government officials, search engine operators, and those involved in corporate human resources who are watching this. We ask for your cooperation in promoting and assisting the societal reintegration of people who have been in online controversies. Specifically, we request the establishment of the right to be forgotten, and the thorough deletion of digital tattoos. And also the creation and implementation of preferential employment plans for those who have been in controversies. The deadline is… next Saturday. Exactly one week from now.’
And then silence fell.
After a moment, a man’s voice was heard from off-screen again.
‘Oi, stop the camera. Post this as is.’
‘Yessir. So, this guy was really a dude, huh. I was hopin’ he was actually a girl, woulda been more fun.’
‘Don’t touch him yet, okay? You can play with him all you want after the negotiations break down.’
‘Nah, no matter how cute, a guy’s a no-go for me. Ah, but maybe he’s into that sort of thing.’
As the man off-screen said this in a flippant tone, the large, masked man waiting behind Mayuki-kun let out a chuckle and placed a hand on the slender shoulders before him.
‘I’ve been watching Mayu-chan’s channel for a long time… You’re really cute up close, you know.’
At that, Mayuki-kun tensed up in the chair.
‘N-No… stop, stop!’
‘It hurts to be feared like that. You should treasure your fans’ feelings.’
‘Hahaha, he’s seriously rejecting you!’
‘…Stop… Help me, help me… Hi-mari-san…!’
At that moment, the boy with whom I had connected, certainly said it.
Unmistakably, my name.
‘—Oi, how long are you gonna keep rolling? Stop it already, you idiot.’
‘Ah, my bad. Yessir.’
Shortly after that, the video cut off.
Baku, baku, baku, baku… my heart was pounding loudly.
My throat was parched, and I couldn’t utter a single word.
I was clenching my fists so tightly that they were bleeding.
“—They’re saying something outrageous. Demanding legal reforms, deletion of information by search engines, and submission of preferential employment plans from various companies. They must know from the start that it’s impossible. Or is it just a pretext, or are they perhaps just great fools who can’t even count… But, I see, hmm, I understand now.”
“What is it?”
To my question, the professor…
Shirasagi Reika licked her lips and said.
“I’ve figured something out about their identity.”
While I was looking on suspiciously, the professor began to write something in her notebook.
“They used the word ‘enjou’ (controversy). The right to be forgotten, digital tattoos, and above all, the account name ‘Shinda’ itself held meaning.”
Eventually, the professor’s ballpoint pen stopped. There was a string of alphabet letters.
‘CINDER’
Embers.
The remains after going up in flames and burning out.
“They are the cinders of an internet controversy. A gathering of people who are socially dead.”
Hearing that, the statement from ‘Shinda’ made sense.
“People who are socially dead. Beings who live without social standing, without human relationships, and without a purpose in life. In other words, they have nothing to protect. They are what you would call ‘invincible people’. Having lost everything, their hurdle for committing illegal acts is likely extremely low.”
‘Invincible people’.
An internet slang term born more than 10 years ago.
It refers to people who have lost their social standing and act out of desperation, following their desires.
There are too many cases to count of such people causing random street killings or blackmail incidents. In some extreme cases, some have stated their motive as, ‘I wanted to die, but I couldn’t die alone, so I thought I’d kill someone to get the death penalty.’
“However, if you ask whether these ‘invincible people’ have absolutely nothing to protect, strictly speaking, the answer is no. So what’s different, you ask? It’s that they often follow a pattern of ignoring the law in their ‘means’ to achieve their goals. I believe this case also fits such a pattern.”
After saying all that in one breath, the professor turned back to me.
“In other words, it’s also possible to narrow down the person or accomplices who abducted Mayuki-kun this time.”
I see… If it’s a gathering of people who have been in a controversy, that means the culprit and their accomplices are in the same situation.
“That is, if there is anyone who fits such conditions—the condition of being someone who knows Mayuki-kun’s home address and was once involved in an internet controversy.”
Someone who was in a controversy?
There’s no way someone like that is nearby—
Someone like, that—
“Ah.”
My parched throat spun out a word.
“What is it, Himari?”
“Ah, ahhh, ahhhh!”
There was.
Someone I knew of.
I displayed the person in question from my LINE contact list and showed it to the professor.
The string of characters displayed on the smartphone was.
————Hasumi Rin.